monkeypup, a blog

Here is a New York Times article on Questions Couples Should Ask (Or Wish They Had) Before Marrying. While they have some good questions in the article, they miss the ones that I would consider far more critical. At least from the male perspective. I don’t really know which questions women should ask prospective grooms. Probably shit like “Are you willing to buy tampons at the grocery store if needed?” or “Do you like potpourri?” Stuff like that. Who knows what goes on in their heads? Not me. Anyway, men, if you are planning to get married, be sure to ask the following:

1. What are your feelings on televised sports, video games, pornography and strip clubs?
2. Do you believe in living rooms without TVs in them?
3. Will I be able to keep that framed movie poster for Reservoir Dogs (Star Wars, Godfather, etc)?
4. Will you be cool with a large screen television in one (or more) of our rooms?
5. Do you like (Insert movie you find tremendously funny)?

So what if you both have the same career goals or you both want kids? If you like porn and she won’t let you have it, you’ve got problems. If you don’t share a sense of humor, life is going to be harder on you. If you get invited to the strip club with the guys, but you have to lie to your wife to go there, that spells trouble. Unlike many men, I knew the answers to all of the above before I got married.

For the record - My Wife:
1. Shares my feelings on sports (hates), video games (loves), pornography (no problem) and strip clubs (could care less if I go).
2. Would never dream of a living room without a TV.
3. Has no problem with the 6 foot cardboard cut-out of Homer Simpson in our guest bedroom and “The Kramer” on the wall.
4. Loves large-screen TVs as much as I do.
5. Love the same comedies I do. Namely: 40 Year Old Virgin, Grandma’s Boy, Old School, Office, Billy Madison, et al.

Man, I am one lucky motherfucker.