In a story that should come as a surprise to no one, the New York Times has written an article stating that High-Def and Porn Films don’t exactly go together like peanut butter and chocolate. Wow. What a shocker. You mean people aren’t interested in seeing breast implant scars and ass pimples? What gives?
The folks at Mega64, who enact video games in real life to humorous effect, are somewhat hit and miss for me. Some of their videos kill me, while some of them are somewhat lackluster. This video of Dead Rising, however, is 100% gold. If you’ve never played DR for the 360, you should skip it, as it will make as much sense as Bush’s foreign policy. If you have played it, or sat and watched your wife and brothers play it for endless hours (as I have), you’ll love it.
The Daily Drawing features daily videos of kick-ass drawings from sketches to finished pieces. I was so fascinated that I actually had to force myself to leave, or else surrender my entire night to watching video after video. This is a site that I’ll be checking out as long as it’s around. So will you, if you have the sense God gave a cricket. Or something like that.
Stefan Postma is a football player. No, not American football. The tough kind. The burly, tough-guy sport known by us as soccer. Players are known for head-butting, teeth kicking and groin stomping. Players are known for being the meanest, toughest guys in the sporting world. Players are known for getting railed up the ass by their strap-on-wearing wives. Players are known for…wait. That last one doesn’t sound right.
Every school in America sucks the big hairy root*. They may teach you Triginometry, Calculus, Geography and Physics, but they completely ignore the basics. (By the way, have you once used Calculus or Trig since leaving school**? I know I haven’t.)
They don’t tell you the things you need to know in the real world. They don’t tell you proper survival skills or common sense. They don’t teach you how to deal with relationships. So here I am to save the day. Enjoy.
Things You Should Have Learned In School (Perhaps inspired by some movies I might have seen. Who’s to say?):
If you are on a road trip in an unfamiliar place, don’t take a shortcut. Don’t listen to the creepy guy at the gas station who tells you that you could save time turning up Old Parson’s Drive. Just don’t. Follow the map, and you’ll be okay. Who cares if you’re late?
If you are in an unfamiliar area, or even if you aren’t, don’t pick up hitchhikers. I don’t care how nice they look. It’s a mistake.
If you are ever attacked by a person who intends to kill you, and you manage to knock them out, grab their head and bash it into the ground until they are dead. If they are on soft ground or carpet, kick their head repeatedly until they are dead. You get the idea, right? Because they will get back up if you don’t, and they’re going to kill you.
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From the comments on this blog, I can tell that a lot of you are happy to see Donald Rumsfeld stand down. Some of you, in fact, seem to hate the man. Me? I just think he’s a senile old man. At times crabby, at times completely out of it. It makes it hard for me to hate him. That would be like hating a retarded kid. When I get cut off in traffic, and start to curse a person out, I stop when I see it’s an elderly man or woman. Yeah, stupid, I know, but that’s me.
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